I’m writing this letter at the kitchen table and I’m struggling because I don’t know how to say what I’m about to tell you. Part of me wishes you were here with me so I could do this in person, but we both know that’s impossible. So here I am, groping for words with tears on my cheeks and hoping that you’ll somehow forgive me for what I’m about to say.
You and I shared something wonderful, and I never want you to forget that. Nor do I want you to believe that you didn’t mean as much to me as I did to you. You’re rare and beautiful, John. I fell in love with you, but more than that, meeting you made me realize what true love really means. For the past 2 and half years, I’ve been staring at every full moon and remembering everything we’ve been through together. I remember how talking to you on that first night felt like coming home.
I understood your reason for staying the Army, and I respected your decision. I still do, but we both know our relationship changed after that. We changed, and in your heart, I think you realized it, too. Maybe the time a part was too much, maybe it was just our different worlds. I don’t know. Every time we fought I hated myself for it. Somehow, even though we still loved each other, we lost that magical bond that kept us together.
I’ll understand if you never want to talk to me again, just as I’ll understand if you still hate me. Part of me hates me, too. Writing this letter forces me to acknowledge that, and when I look in the mirror, I know, I’m looking at someone who isn’t sure she deserves to be loves at all. I mean that.
Even though you may not want to hear it, I want you to know that you’ll always be part of me. In our time together, you claimed a special place in my heart, one l’ll carry with me forever and that no one can ever replace. You’re a hero and a gentlemen, you’re kind and honest, but more than that, you’re the first man I ever truly loved. And, no matter what the future brings, you will always be, and I know that my life will always be better for it.
I’ll see you soon then.
Anytime I read this I cry like a little baby. Even though it’s from a book, this letter impacts my life so much, I can’t even explain it.